Ang Aso Ko Ay Isang Dogfather

Minsan sa isang inuman session namin ng kuya ko at ng barkada nya ay biglang may nagsalita


"Pare, dog-father talaga yang kangaroo ninyo"


Hindi ko alam kung dahil sa kalasingan o dahil sobrang nakakatawa lang talaga pero tawa kami ng tawa nun. Onga pala, "kangaroo" ang tawag nila sa mga aso dahil mukha nga naman daw kangaroo ang mga ito. Pero ngayong hindi nako lasing, naisip ko na tama nga naman. Dog father talaga si Gardo o kahit na sinong aso na matinong inaalagaan ng kanilang mga "amo". (parang anlabo ata) Pano ko nasabi? Ganito kasi...

Ang malanding aso naming si Gardo ay kailangang hainan mo ng masarap na pagkain dahil kung hindi ay hindi nya ito kakainin at problema mo pa ang paglilinis ng kainan nya pag nangyari ito. Pag hindi mo lilinisan eh magkakaron kayo ng mga pesteng ipis, langaw at daga. May special diet pa sya dahil sabi nila, bawal pakainin ang aso ng mga pagkaing may vetsin dahil malalagas ang balahibo nito. Dahil bwakaw ang pamilya ko at minsan ay sapat lang ang pagkain sa bahay para saming lahat, nagkakaron ng mga panahon na wala nang natitira para sa aming alaga. Dapat ay bilhan pa namin sya ng mamahaling dog food na mas mahal pa sa kinakain namin. Mamahalin dahil hindi sya kumakain ng mga mumurahin lang. Malandi talaga. Kailangang bilhan din sya ng sarili nyang sabon dahil malalagas lang ang balahibo nya kung Tide ang ginamit sa pagpapaligo. Kailangang meron din syang sariling tuwalya dahil kung pinakawalan mo sya nang basa eh panibagong sakit ng ulo dahil magiging mas madumi sya kung magpapagulong gulong sya sa labas ng bahay na basa. Pagkatapos kumain ay masarap matulog, lalo na pagkatapos ng tanghalian kaya matutulog muna sya ng ilang oras na minsan ay nakataas ang apat na paa. Teorya nga namin, baka nananaginip pa sya dahil minsan ay gumagalaw at umuungol sya habang natutulog. Pagkagising ay maghahanap nanaman ng panibagong gagawin. At kadalasan ay ayaw naming makipaglaro at makipag kulitan kaya nababagot sya at lalayas muna ng bahay at makikipaglaro sa mga ka-berks nyang aso ng kapitbahay. Napag alaman kong doon sya tumatambay sa isawan sa may kanto at bukod sa pag aabang ng mga tira tirang mga parte ng manok, baka at baboy na hindi kinakain ng mga tambay ay tinatawag sya ng amoy ng nilulutong bituka, dugo at kung ano ano pang lamang loob. Sarap! Pag nagutom na at napagod sa pakikipag harutan ay saka lamang sya babalik sa bahay upang tignan kung tapos na kaming kumain at meron nang handang pagkain para sa kanya. At kadalasan ay kailangan mong bitawan ang kung anomang ginagawa mo para lamang buksan ang gate dahil dumating na sya, at kung hindi ay mabubwisit ka lang sa kakaungol nya sa labas ng bahay. At ito ang malupit, magkakalat sya ng kung anong bagay ang gusto nyang ikalat at ikaw ang taga linis pagkatapos. Jebs pa ang ipapalinis sayo pag sinuwerte ka. Buti nalang at layas ang aso namin at dun sya sa labas nagkakalat. Pagdating naman sa paglilinis ay kailangan pa syang buhatin para lang mawalisan ang kinahihigaan nya. Kung makikipagtigasan ka ay wala kang mapapala dahil hindi sya tatayo at iisnabin ka lang maliban na lang kung sisipain mo sya (at hindi kami naninipa ng aso).

Nakakatuwa din syang panoorin kapag lumalabas kami ng bahay na kasama sya. Malakas ang loob nyang awayin ang kung sino mang hayop na makita sa daan. Marahil ay iniisip nyang kung ano man ang mangyari ay nandyan kami para sa kanya kung sakali mang madehado sya. I got yo' back ika nga. Kakagatin namin ang kung sino mang asong kumagat sa kanya. Parang ganun. Raaar! Kaya tinatawanan lang sya ng handler nung gi-normous na itim na rottweiler kapag hinahamon nya ito (yung aso syempre). Ang kapal ng mukha ng hinayupak na Gardong yan na manghamon kahit na hanggang sa dede lang sya nung hinahamon nya. Buti nalang ay may kadena yung aso. Baka mas mabilis pakong tumakbo pauwi pag nagkataon.

Katulong ako ng aso ko. Aren't we all? (di ko alam sa tagalog). Ayus lang. Wala namang kapalit ang kabatuganan... ay katuwaan pala, ang katuwaang ibinibigay nya sa amin sa tuwing tuwang tuwa syang batiin ang sino mang dumarating sa bahay. Nakakatuwa ding inihahatid nya lahat ng taong umaalis hanggang sa traysikel at minsan pa nga ay nakikipag paligsahan sya sa pagtakbo. Oo, kalaban ang traysikel na sinasakyan ko. May isa pa ngang pagkakataong ilang beses tumigil yung sinasakyan ko nang makita nya kong lulan nito pauwi.

"Ah manong, dun pa po yung bahay ko"

"Eh mam yung aso po kasi baka masagasaan ko"

*dungaw*

"Ah aso ko po yan. Stuy, Gardo!"

Pinasakay ko nalang sa traysikel at sabay kami umuwi kaysa naman abutin kami ng isang taon kakahinto. Tinamaan nga naman ng...




* * * * *



Isang gabi ay nagpasama ako sa kapatid ko sa tindahan para magpaload. Sumama nanaman ang Gardo. Laking dismaya namin nang makitang sarado na ang tindahan. Kailangan kong makapag reply sa nagtext kaya kahit gabing gabi na ay naglakad kami ng naglakad para makahanap ng bukas na tindahan. Pauwi ay nakasalubong kami ng tatlong askal na wari ko'y magkakapatid dahil magkakamukha sila at lahat ay lumabas galing sa isang bahay. 3 to 1. Patay. Naramdaman din siguro ni Gardo ang naramdaman ko. Dehado ang aso ko pota. Unfair. Naisip ko na gaya ng mga Mafiosi, hindi rin teritoryo ni Gardo ang lugar na yon kaya walang reresbak pag nagkataon. At tumapak sya sa ibang teritoryo ng walang paalam kaya lagot talaga sya. Nagsimulang magtahulan ang tatlong aso. Tahimik lang si Gardo na naglalakad at nagpapanggap na wala syang nakita at siguro ay para narin sabihin sa tatlo na makikiraan lang sya at wala syang balak makipag away. Katulad ng aso ko, mayayabang din ang tatlo kaya't dahan dahan nilang kinorner si Gardo sa damuhan. Sumisigaw na si Gardo at para bang umiiyak. Wala naman kaming magawa ng aking kapatid kundi ang sigawan lang ang tatlo para matakot at lumayo. Kung pwede ko lang buhatin ang aso ko at tumakbo pauwi ay ginawa ko na. Kaso baka hindi pako nakakalapit ay kinuyog nako nung mga yun. Aspalto pa naman at napakalinis ng daan sa amin kaya wala akong mapulot na bato. Hindi narin ako nagtangkang magpulot ng kung ano pa man dahil baka natuyong jebs ng aso pa ang mapulot ko dahil madilim. Buti narin siguro yun dahil kung nagkataon ay baka kami naman ang pagbuntunan. Naiiyak nako at pinagagalitan ko ang aking kapatid para tulungan akong sigawan ang mga aso para layuan na si Gardo. Matapos ang ilang sandali ay nagpasya si Gardo na maglakad ng paunti unti habang sinusundan sya nung mga hinayupak habang galit na galit na tumatahol. Pagdaan ng ilang bahay, salamat sa dyos at tumigil sila ng kakalakad at tuluyan nang nilubayan ang aso ko. Buti nalang.


Tangina. Hanggang dyan lang ang abot ng ihi nyo no? Belat.


Mayabang nako ngayon at nakuha ko na mag-belat dahil wala na kami sa teritoryo nila. Pero pucha.

Grabe ang naramdaman kong kaba nun. Isang babala. Wag lang silang magkamaling pumunta sa mga lugar na inihian namin ng aso ko kung ayaw nilang maging pulutan. Hmph.

Matitikman nila ang bangis ni Don Gardo Corleone. Raaaaaaaaaffff!

Mamu Sheena

+


"you are my very special kitten"

made my day. ROFLMAO! =)) Who would've thought... Mama Sheens ako nung High School, Mamu Sheens na pala ako ngayon.

Naalala ko tuloy yung commercial ng gatas: "Is that you lolo?" "Look at my mole." "Ayan! Sige nga sayaw tayo halika..."

Amishu Tito Aldwinee! ;))

Preschool Psyche

Remember the stuff we usually draw (or have drawn at least once) in preschool? The one with two hills, possibly a stream, a rice field, a tree (which sometimes bears fruits: apples or oranges), a "bahay kubo" (for us Pinoys) or a small house, a couple of clouds covering the sun and maybe a couple of inverted boobies that serve as our birds.

Most of us usually draw that or the picture of a family: a dad, mom, an elder sister, and elder brother, and the baby (depending on the number of members our families have).

Oh incidentally, I just remembered hearing a certain news way back that tells teachers (especially the ones in preschool) to refrain from describing a family as a group that has a mom, a dad, etc because it supposedly affects those kids who have single parents or something like that. But anyways...


My point:

Since Psychiatrists / Psychologists can somehow interpret stuff regarding our personality by letting us draw say, a man, I was thinking, is there any possible psychological explanation why children always draw those things?


Uh, just a random thought coz one time Pat brought his drawing journal and asked me to draw something. And I told him I wasn't gifted with that talent and in fact I can't even make a stick figure move or sit or whatever. So he told me to just draw something... anything that I can draw, or anything that I used to draw. Guess what I did.

I Smell Something Fishy

Upon waking up, I went straight to the kitchen and saw the fish. Hehehe. Then I volunteered to clean 'em.

Got the fish and they told me to remove the scales, remove the innards and basically remove everything that I don't see when I eat 'em.


Remove everything that I don't see when I eat fish, or every part that I think isn't edible. Noted.


Oh this is going to be fun. First, removing the scales. Easy. I used to watch my lola do it when I was a kid. So I did. The scales were all over the sink and the walls after the first fish was cleaned. Oh I'm sooo dead. Then comes the icky part. Removing the guts.


"Oh man, that's gross."

"What the fuck is this?!"

"Aw fishy you stiiink!"


Aw that fish stank like hell. While I was "scaling" the fish, one of the fucking scales fucking bounced off my fucking lip while I was griping about how fucking icky it felt and smelt. That shut me fucking mouth off. Takte baka yung susunod, tumalsik na sa loob ng bunganga ko. Mahirap na.

I was already singing while I was cleaning my second fishy. Took me an hour to clean 3 pieces. Twas fun.


"Ay may itlog! Galeng!"


Was able to clean two mommy fish-ies.


*cut to the dining table after the fish was cleaned and cooked*


"O asan na yung itlog?!"

"Ah kinakain ba yun?"

*they all laughed*


The egg looked gross, man. I didn't know people even eat them. Oh yeah! Caviar! Feeling caviar! Hahaha.

Even if I wore two pieces of plastic on both hands while I was de-gutting / de-egging the damn things, I swear I can still smell the fish on my hands till dinner time. Stank like hell. Ugh.

Poknat's Back

Now that Poknat's back, my High School barkada texted me to meet up at McDo Diliman (oh yeah, we call it OUR McDo) and catch up. Usual stuff.

As in other foot bridges I've crossed, the one in Commonwealth Ave. in front of OUR McDo "showed" another depressing scene (or scenes). On one part of the foot bridge you'll see people lying down holding plastic cups containing a couple of coins. On other parts you'll see moms nursing their babies while their other children sell sampaguitas. Nothing new there. Then on my way down the stairs I saw a kid holding a container filled with what we may consider "kaning-baboy". Reminds me of Mongolian barbecue wherein you'd pick whatever ingredients you want and then mix all the stuff up. It just wasn't that appetizing. I saw fish bones, chicken bones, rice with maybe a little water, etc. It was around 5pm then and I thought those were just the remaining stuff that they had for lunch/merienda and they're just saving the remaining food for their dog.


Then one of the kids ate from the container.


I dunno if I was going to barf or cry or maybe both. Aw gawd. What I thought was for their dog was actually THEIR food. Our dog eats more delicious (and I bet more nutritious) food than the kids I saw. It later made me realize how fucking stupid I was thinking that they even have dogs when they can't even feed themselves right.

What a very depressing sight to start off our small "reunion", I thought. I checked if my friends were already there and as always, I was the first one to arrive so I just smoked up. Then I saw another street kid coming up to a lady who just came out of McDo. The lady was holding a Sprite-float and when she saw the kid, she held out the beverage and the kid got it.


I just thought, hey at least the kid gets to down the "food" with soda once in a while, I can't. Hahaha!


We went to get groceries, cooked, then talked about our high school experiences, friends, who's banging who, who's working where, a tally on how many of us have babies already, how many are married, ex love teams, current love teams, who died, and so on.






As always, twas also fun to see how we (and our other friends) have "evolved" through the years, how stupid we've been back then, how some of us have completely changed our (their) "preferences", etc.

Then I got home, took a shower then went to bed. After like 5 minutes... dude. My head, my whole body felt so frikkin heavy, it's like I got literally pinned down by a fukkin sumo wrestler. I got up so fukkin late the next day but my head still felt heavy. It's like the exact same feeling you get when...


Whoever tripped and put something on one of my munchies better confess now or...





Dude, all I can say is... Chocolate ice cream goes well with cigs. :D